Where Will You Go?
by phoenix1800
Summary: A Kai/Rei story made up of songfics. Chapter Seven is up, and this fic is *completed*. Thanks for reading!
1. Default Chapter

 SEQ CHAPTER \h \r 1I don't own Beyblade or any of the characters

Rei/Kai songfic to Evanescence's "Where Will You Go". I don't own the song either. 

Where Will You Go 

_You're too important for anyone_

_You play the role of what you long to be_

What's wrong with you, Kai? It's been a month since the World Championships, and yet you're still the same. Still cold, still closed off...I thought you would have changed a little.

You acknowledge us as friends, but you don't show it at all, you still ignore us. The others have accepted it, but I won't. You strive for perfection with a persistence that is to be admired.

Except when you compare it to mine. I am just as stubborn as you, Kai, and I won't give up until you open up. 

_But I, I know who you really are_

_You're the one who cries when you're alone_

Funny how much people change when they think no one's watching. You haven't seen me follow you at night, when you get up and go outside. I've seen you talk to the air around you, confessing your fear of Voltaire, your regret at leaving the Demolition Boys to his wrath...I know you care about them, they're brothers to you. 

I even saw you cry once. I think you were remembering your parents. That shocked me. The iceman has a heart? You intrigued me, and I developed a fascination that, try as I might, won't go away. 

_But where will you go_

_With no one left to save you from yourself_

_You can't escape_

_You won't escape_

You're going to self-destruct if you keep going like this. No one can be alone forever, and though you have managed it for so many years, it won't last forever. But you like it this way. You know exactly what you're doing to yourself, and you know you can't stop this self-imposed isolation.

_You think I can't see right through your eyes_

_Scared to death to face reality_

I can see right through that shield, you know. You are scared, despite your efforts to appear stoic. You won't open up for fear of getting hurt. No one's going to hurt you here, Kai. We just want to be your friends. I just want to be your friend. 

_No one seems to hear your hidden cries_

_You're left to face yourself alone_

I can hear you pleading for help. And I would give it to you if you'd let me. I'd give you anything that is mine to give. But you refuse help when it is offered, and deny yourself salvation from your own mind. 

_But where will you go_

_With no one left to save you from yourself_

_You can't escape_

_You won't escape_

Love...never thought it would happen to me. I was a lone tiger, the one who would never be tamed, but you achieved what I thought was impossible, Kai. I'm not really surprised, you have a tendency to do that. Somewhere along the line, while I was...studying you, I fell for you. 

_I realize you're afraid_

_But you can't abandon everyone_

_You can't escape_

_You don't want to escape_

I know you'd let me help if you could get over your ego and talk to me. You can't ignore us, we'll always–I'll always–be there for you. You just have to realize that.

_I'm so sick of speaking words that no one understands_

_Is it clear enough that you can't live your whole life alone_

I asked the others what they thought about it. They said you were just adjusting and being yourself. But you and I know better, don't we? You're haunted by your past, and you can't escape your memories.

_I can hear you in a whisper_

_But you can't even hear me screaming_

I can tell what you're thinking by just looking at your eyes, but do you even know how much I care? How much I want to help you? Or should I stop trying? 

No...I can't do that. I'm in too deep to pull out now. You won't get away that easily, Kai. I won't be deterred by a glare and a few harsh, yet empty words. You don't even mean half of what you say anymore.

_I realize you're afraid_

_But you can't abandon everyone_

_You can't escape_

_You don't want to escape_

I know that your past is something I wouldn't wish on anyone. I know the dangers of getting involved with you. I've thought about it all over and over again, and yet I come to the same conclusion...

I don't care. I know the dangers, yes, but I also know what I could gain from this. And that makes it all worth it.

_I realize you're afraid  
But you can't reject the whole world  
You can't escape  
You won't escape  
You can't escape_  
  


You won't escape *me*, Kai. I'm not going to give up on you. Never. Even now, you look at me and wonder if someday I'm going to leave you. After a year of being together, you think I could just abandon you? No. I need you as much as you need me. 

_You don't want to escape_

Rei sat outside with Kai as they watched the night sky. "You're thinking about something", stated Rei, watching him. Kai blinked and looked over at him, then let out a weary half-smile. "Aren't I always?". 

Rei laughed, laying his head on Kai's shoulders. "How true". He looked up Kai seriously. "Is something bothering you? You can always talk to me, you know that". 

Kai wrapped an arm around him and pulled him closer. "For the first time", he started quietly, seemingly amazed. "For the first time in over three years, I feel completely at peace and entirely happy. Thank you for helping me get here". 

Rei lit up in a wide smile. "I'm happy", he said, closing his eyes. "You deserve it. Have you beaten your demons down, Kai?". "We have", said Kai, closing his eyes as well. "We have". 

What do you think? I heard this song and thought of this pairing right away. Review, please!


	2. Give Unto Me

 SEQ CHAPTER \h \r 1I don't own Beyblade or any of the characters...but I think you knew that already.

Another part to my Rei/Kai songfic, "Give Unto Me", by Evanescence. I don't own the song either, but I'll bet you knew that too. 

So, I'm procrastinating and writing this instead of the prequels to "Letters", my other Rei/Kai story...oh well. Please forgive me if you're waiting on it.

Give Unto Me

  


_I've been watching you from a distance   
The distance sees through your disguise   
All I want from you is your hurting   
I want to heal you   
I want to save you from the dark_

You're doing it again, Kai. You're pushing me away. Just a week ago, we were happy. You were happy. What happened? Slowly, you've been retreating back into yourself, and forcing me to watch you from a distance once more. 

Are you still hurting? Well, that's a stupid question. I know you are. But you were letting me help before, why not now? You were so close to the light, Kai. Don't give it up now. Please don't give me up now. 

_Give unto me your troubles   
I'll endure your suffering   
Place onto me your burden   
I'll drink your deadly poison_

Please let me help you, Kai. I know what it entails; I've done it before. Helping you means a lot of sleepless nights and having to put up with your cold indifference again and again.

And yet I'm still willing to help you. Let me bear some of your pain, Kai. You can't do this alone. I love you too much to let you do this alone.

_Why should I care if they hurt you   
Somehow it matters more to me   
Than if I were hurting myself   
Save you (save you)   
I'll save you_

God! Why do I even bother sometimes, Kai? You just snapped at me to get away from you, and I'm seriously considering leaving you to your self-induced misery. 

No...I can't do that. I've said it before, and I'll say it again...I can't leave you. Somehow, your pain means more to me than anything else. I just want you to be happy, even if...even if eventually that happiness isn't found with me. 

_Give unto me your troubles   
I'll endure your suffering   
Place onto me your burden   
I'll drink your deadly poison_

But no...somehow I don't think that's the problem. After a few days of studying you like I used to, I think I can safely say that it isn't your past right now, because you sleep instead of having nightmares...nor is it that you want to leave me, because you still stay by my side throughout the night.

It has something to do with me, though. I don't know what it is, though. Did I do something wrong? I haven't changed or anything. Are you nervous about telling me something? Come on, Kai, we've been together for a year now. There's nothing you can tell me that would shock me by now. Even if there is; I'd still love you. 

_Fear not the flame of my love's candle   
Let it be the sun in your world of darkness   
Give unto me all that frightens you   
I'll have your nightmares for you   
If you sleep soundly _

Maybe that's it. Have you sensed that I love you by now? I don't know when it happened, but I do. Everything about you, Kai, screams perfection. Pale, sculpted body, two-toned blue hair, reddish-mahogany eyes that always hold my attention...

And then there's your soul. You have so many layers that sometimes it's hard to decipher which part of you is real and which part of you is the mask. Are you afraid of love? It would make sense if you were; after all, your past wasn't exactly filled with it. 

_Give unto me your troubles   
I'll endure your suffering   
Place onto me your burden   
I'll drink your deadly poison_

If helping you means suppressing what I feel, I'll do it. I don't know if I can, but I'll try. I don't want you to be uncomfortable around me. That's the last thing I'd want, ever.

_Fear not the flame of my love's candle _

_Let it be the sun in your world of darkness   
Give unto me all that frightens you   
I'll have your nightmares for you   
If you sleep soundly _  

But it could help you, if you'd let it. Love is a wonderful thing. I don't want you to miss out on it. You think it makes you weak, even now. Hell, you saw me as a weakness in the beginning. But it doesn't, and I'm not. Look at Max and Tyson. Have you ever seen Tyson blade as well he does when Max is cheering him on? Or vice-versa. Love is not a weakness. Somehow I'll have to convince you of that.

_Fear not the flame of my love's candle   
Let it be the sun in your world of darkness_

You called for me just a minute ago and we step outside on the porch. You stare out into the sky, eyes distant, and I sit there watching. Funny, this is probably the closest we've been in what, a week or so? 

...Okay, so I'm a little bitter about that. But you can't blame me, can you? But I think you see that, because you wrap an arm around me and pull me close as we sit down on the steps. 

"...I'm sorry", you say, and I know it's hard for you to do, because you aren't used to apologizing, so I don't make a big deal about it, and instead curl up closer to you.

You look relieved that I'm not upset with you, and then say, "I've been thinking...a lot, about what's been going on with us, and after awhile I figured out what I need to say to you". 

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe you do want to break up with me. The thought severely depresses me, and I cringe, waiting for the final blow. Then you say, "I think...I think I love you, Rei".

I'm pretty sure that you're surprised when I leap on you and practically tackle you to the ground. While thanking God that you're okay and that you said those three little words, I proceed to kiss you senseless.

"I take that as a good sign?", you say dryly, breathless from my attack. I lay my head on your chest and smile. "I know I love you, Kai". You smile–a miracle in itself–and run your hand through my hair, and all is right–more than right, it's perfect–in my world.

Yay! The end. Please review, and let me know if I should continue this. Maybe I should try a different POV or something too.    


	3. Easier to Run

 SEQ CHAPTER \h \r 1I don't own Beyblade or any of the characters...though I wouldn't object to it.

Rei/Kai songfic once more. Yes, I am back. And this time in Kai's POV, since someone requested it. Please bear with me, I'm not used to writing in his POV. 

And the song is Linkin Park's "Easier to Run". I don't own that either. This is supposed to be Kai's POV during the first chapter, so if it seems out of order, that's because it is.

Easier to Run 

  


_It's easier to run  
Replacing this pain with something numb  
It's so much easier to go  
Than face all this pain here all alone  
  
_

People often asked me why I was so cold and heartless to everyone around me. And usually I would either glare at them, ignore them, or snap something at them. Then they would leave me alone. It was the way things worked, and I was perfectly fine with it.

Then I fell into this whole 'team' thing. Needless to say, I wasn't happy, especially when the hyper, annoying, and loud twerps I was forced to work with kept bothering me. Nothing worked, not the glare, not the silence, and not the words. Were these people ignorant or something? I wanted nothing to do with them. Sometimes I still wonder why I stick around. 

_Something has been taken from deep inside of me  
The secret I've kept locked away no one can ever see_

Back to my teammates...we didn't have the best first impressions. Tyson was a loud pig, Max a hyperactive optimist, Kenny a nerd with no life, and Rei...

Hmm. I don't really remember my first impression of him. It was something along the lines of, 'He'll never be as good as me, but at least he isn't a pain in the ass like the others'. Yeah, that was it. Rei knows when to draw the line, when to not push me. He's probably the only reasonable person on the team.

_Wounds so deep they never show they never go away  
Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played_

My past...is not a pleasant one by any means. My parents were killed before my eyes when I was five, and well, things just got shot straight to hell from there. Got shoved in the Abbey, trained, then recruited by the psycho I have to call Grandfather to steal bit beasts.

I was never really happy blading. I was good at it, yeah, and Dranzer was powerful, sure. I could've been the best if my heart was really in it. I suppose that's why I constantly struggled to be the best, because it kept me occupied. I knew inside that I would never accomplish it—though I've come quite close.

_If I could change I would take back the pain I would  
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would _

I can admit that now I am sorry for my actions. I would take them back if I could, and be slightly nicer to my teammates. Slightly being the key word. 

Hell, if I could take back my life I would, but it isn't going to happen. So why bother wishing? Live in the present and for the future. If you dwell in the past, it's going to be your downfall.

_If I could stand up and take the blame I would  
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would_

I hate remembering my past. The beatings, the death, the pain...is it any wonder that I am who I am? I'm sitting outside right now and watching the sky. It's what I do at night when everyone is sleeping. This is the only way I can think about my past.

I'm pretty I deserve this suffering. I mean, I was a power hungry asshole. If my punishment is to be haunted by my past forever, then so be it. But I'd gladly die before confiding in anyone. 

_  
If I could change I would take back the pain I would  
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would_

Tonight my subconscious has decided to haunt me with memories of my parents. Joy. After waking from a particularly unpleasant nightmare, I stumble outside and sit.

...Fuck, are those tears? I do not cry. I haven't cried in years, and a simple nightmare gets me going again?

_If I could stand up and take the blame I would  
I would take all my shame to the grave_

The next day is a particularly trying one, as Tyson has decided to try to annoy me to death. He'll die before I do, trust me. 

Then Rei sighs, gets up, and pulls Tyson away while looking at me apologetically. No need, Rei. He's the idiot, not you. You come back and take his place beside me, but don't speak.

Thank God you have some common sense. I am *not* in a good mood right now. 

_It's easier to run  
Replacing this pain with something more  
It's so much easier to go  
Than face all this pain here all alone_

I wish I could tell someone about everything that haunts me. It would be easier than going through it all alone. But I don't think anyone here would be willing to listen. 

The next few days are slightly better. Only one nightmare per night, instead of two or three. 

_Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past  
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have  
Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back  
And never moving forward so there would never be a past_

Damn it all. Is one night without nightmares too much to ask? I mean, I do need my sleep. And I'm not eating much either. I don't think anyone will notice, though.

_  
If I could change I would take back the pain I would  
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would  
If I could stand up and take the blame I would  
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would  
  
_

_If I could change I would take back the pain I would  
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would  
If I could stand up and take the blame I would  
I would take all my shame to the grave_

Another nightmare, this one about Boris and his 'special' punishments. Locked in solitary confinement. No sound, no light...it's like being dead. God, it was awful. One of the few things that could get to me at the Abbey. 

_Just washing it aside  
All of the helplessness inside  
Pretending I don't feel misplaced  
It's so much simpler than change_

Kenny asked me today if I was feeling alright. I wasn't expecting anyone to notice anything, and I told him to leave me alone and that I was fine. At least he's still slightly intimidated by my glare.

_It's easier to run  
Replacing this pain with something more  
It's so much easier to go  
Than face all this pain here all alone_

Things are getting worse now. Nightmares every night, flashbacks, dizziness, nausea...thankfully I can at least hide it. 

I think Rei knows about my eating habits–which are pretty much nonexistent right now. He gives me worried glances at meal times. Wait–why do I actually care that he's worried?

Right...can't be bothered with that now. I'll figure it out later.

_  
It's easier to run  
If I could change I would take back the pain I would  
Retrace every wrong move that I made  
It's easier to go_

The days have gone by alright. I think I've lost about ten pounds in the past two weeks, but I can't be bothered with that. 

If I die, I would consider it a blessing. I don't know how much more of this I can take. 

_If I could change I would take back the pain I would  
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would  
If I could stand up and take the blame I would  
I would take all my shame to the grave_

Rei, what are you doing? You're standing on *my* porch tonight, staring out into the sky. That's my job. What would you have to think about that's so important?

You look at me and say, "I knew you'd be out here". What the hell? Then you continue. "I've seen you go out here almost every night, Kai". 

I feel like swearing profusely at this moment, but just 'hn' instead. Rei chuckles. "Cat hearing, remember? A pin dropping could wake me up". Then you get serious.

"What's wrong, Kai?", you ask. I glare at you, but you are unaffected. Damn it all. "Kai. You can't lie to me or brush me off. I'm always going to be here if you need me or...". You trail off and stare back out at the sky. Wait, now I'm curious. 

"Or what?", I ask bluntly. I think you flinch at the cold tone of my voice, and I actually feel sorry. All the sleep deprivation must be getting to me. "Nothing", you say quickly, and though I can tell you're lying I let you turn and go back inside. 

Then you trip and fall, and I catch you. That was the stupidest thing I've ever done, because now your face is inches from mine and I can truly see what all those stupid fan girls and Mariah (though there really isn't any distinction between the two) see in you. You really are quite attractive, and before my brain can catch up with my body, I'm kissing you. 

It feels good, and all the pain I've felt just vanishes like it was never there. I put one hand at the back of your neck and the other around your waist, and you respond, wrapping your arms around my neck. We break apart eventually, flushed and panting, and I'm completely embarrassed, but you don't seem to mind as you draw me back to you and kiss me. Hey, I'm not going to complain.

Suddenly life just got a whole lot more interesting.  

So how did I do? Good? Bad? Review and give me suggestions for what you want to see next, or if you have song ideas. Thanks for reading!


	4. October

 SEQ CHAPTER \h \r 1I don't own Beyblade or any of the characters, otherwise I wouldn't be writing this.

I also don't own Evanescence's "October", so don't sue me.

Another installment of my songfic. This is Kai's POV of chapter 2. Kai/Rei still, so if you don't like this you should know not to read it. 

Enjoy, and thanks to all my previous reviewers!

October

  


_  
  
_

_I can't run anymore,  
I fall before you,  
Here I am,  
I have nothing left_  
  


Rei...you dominate my thoughts constantly lately. While you are a pleasant distraction from my past and memories, I am confused as to why I can't get you out of my head. 

We've been 'together' for a year now, right? More than that. I'm...happy. It's strange. You make me happy and I can't figure out why. I need to figure this out. What's so special about you?

_Though I've tried to forget,  
You're all that I am,  
Take me home,  
I'm through fighting it,_  
  


I've pretty much secluded myself for the past few weeks. I can't *think* straight when you're around anymore. I know you're hurt by it, but I need to figure this out by myself. I just...it's something I have to do.   

_Broken,  
Lifeless,  
I give up,  
You're my only strength,_  
_Without you,  
I can't go on,  
Anymore,  
Ever again_

I talked to Max today, of all people. God, this situation has really gotten me fucked up. I told him about my obsession with you, and the weird fuzzy feeling I get when I see you, and how you made me feel happy and content for the first time in years.

I feel like punching the kid as he smiles happily at me and just says that I'll have to figure it out on my own. Can't he see that that's not working for me?! I just hmmph and walk away, and Max runs off to go tell Tyson. He knows what this is, I know he does. Hell, everyone probably knows what this is but me.  

_My only hope,  
(All the times I've tried)   
My only peace,  
(To walk away from you)  
My only joy,  
My only strength,  
(I fall into your abounding grace)  
My only power,  
My only life,  
(And love is where I am)  
My only love._  
  
  


Damn it! Damn everything to every conceivable hell in this world! I know what this stupid feeling is now!

...It's love.

I've fallen in love with you. This cannot be happening. Love is a weakness! It makes you susceptible to hurt and pain, and I think I've taken more than my share of that! 

I need to get away from this, from you, from this stupid emotion. I'm fine with *liking* you, and being *attracted* to you, but *love*? I can admit that the idea scares the shit out of me. _  
  
  
_

_I can't run anymore,  
I give myself to you,  
I'm sorry,  
I'm sorry,  
In all my bitterness,  
I ignored,  
All that's real and true,  
All I need is you,_  
  


Well, I don't think my feelings matter anymore, because I just screwed everything up. You came to me today and asked me what was wrong, and I snapped at you to get the hell away. 

Now I feel like a complete asshole. Your eyes filled with hurt, then rage, then you just seemed empty and walked away. I didn't mean it, but I can't take it back. 

_When night falls on me,  
I'll not close my eyes,  
I'm too alive,  
And you're too strong,  
I can't lie anymore,  
I fall down before you,  
I'm sorry,  
I'm sorry  
  
_

You and I aren't speaking now, and I feel...empty. It's like whatever hole you filled inside of me has been torn open again, and it's wider than before. 

The nightmares are coming back, even though you still sleep next to me. You look miserable every day. Maybe...maybe there's a chance you love me too? 

_  
  
_

_My only hope,  
(All the times I've tried)   
My only peace,  
(To walk away from you)  
My only joy,  
My only strength,  
(I fall into your abounding grace)  
My only power,  
My only life,  
(And love is where I am)  
My only love_

That would be too good to ever be true. If you loved me back...I would be the happiest I've ever been. But I don't think you do. You could be sick of having to help me through everything and never getting affection in return. 

I try, but I'm still not used to much physical contact. We hug and kiss and hold hands or whatever, but we're both not ready to take things any further. _  
  
  
_

_Constantly ignoring,  
The pain consuming me,  
But this time it's cut too deep,  
I'll never stray again  
  
_

This situation is affecting everything. I can't even blade right. I got beaten by Max, for God's sake! You just didn't bother. I'm guessing you didn't want to risk losing Drigger again if you couldn't concentrate.

_  
  
_

_My only hope,  
(All the times I've tried)   
My only peace,  
(To walk away from you)  
My only joy,  
My only strength,  
(I fall into your abounding grace)_  
  


I've got to tell you. This is ridiculous, and there's no reason we should be apart. I need you. I know it's stupid, and I know it's weak, but I do. And if being together helps the both of us, then it's going to happen. 

_My only power,  
My only life,  
(And love is where I am)  
My only love,  
My only hope,  
(All the times I've tried)   
My only peace,  
(To walk away from you)_  
  


Hopefully if you don't love me I can pass off my confession as a joke or something so you won't hate me.

...Wait, this is me. I've never actually made a joke before. So I guess I'll just die of humiliation if you doesn't return my feelings. And God, do I ever sound sappy.  

_My only joy,  
My only strength,  
(I fall into your abounding grace)  
My only power,  
My only life,  
(And love is where I am)  
My only love_

I call you and you come outside. I'm still watching the sky and I know you're watching me, and I know you're upset. 

As we sit down, I wrap an arm around you and pull you closer to me, feeling better already. I'm trying to get my nerves up, and I finally apologize to you. I'm not used to it, and I hope you don't make a big deal out of it. Thankfully, you just hug me closer, and I know you forgive me.

"I've been thinking...a lot, about what's been going on with us, and after awhile I figured out what I need to say to you", I say. 

You look worried, and then depressed, and I take a deep breath before saying, "I think...I think I love you, Rei". I wait for a harsh rejection, but it never comes. Then all of a sudden you jump on me and kiss me. Not that I'm complaining, of course.

We come up for air, and I say breathlessly, "I take that as a good sign?". Wow, was that ever stupid. But any embarrassment I feel over those words dissipates when you lean your head on my chest and say, "I know I love you, Kai".

Those are the most beautiful six words I've ever heard, and all the stress is lifted from me, and I feel ecstatic. I can tell that I'm smiling–it's been quite a few years since I've done that–and I run a hand through your hair, sighing contentedly. 

Now this is the way life should be.

The end! (again). Review, please! What did you think? What should I do next, or is this the end of the songfic series? Let me know!


	5. Bring Me to Life

I don't own Beyblade or any of the characters, but I'm sure you knew that.

I also don't own "Bring Me to Life", by Evanescence.

This is dedicated to C.L.A.Y. (an anonymous reviewer), who specifically requested this song in Kai's POV. Thanks for your review. I'd also like to thank all my reviewers for chapter 4. You guys are the best!

Bring Me to Life 

_How can you see into my eyes like open doors  
Leading you down into my core  
Where I've become so numb _

_Without a soul, my spirit sleeping somewhere cold   
Until you find it there and lead it back home_  
  


It's been awhile since Rei and I confessed our love for each other, and life just keeps getting better for me. It's strange, I ever thought I could be this…happy. Rei awakens something inside of me that I thought died long ago. I hope this never ends.

  
  


_(Wake me up)  
Wake me up inside  
(I can't wake up)  
Wake me up inside  
(Save me)  
Call my name and save me from the dark  
(Wake me up)  
Bid my blood to run  
(I can't wake up)  
Before I come undone  
(Save me)  
Save me from the nothing I've become_  
  


No. I shouldn't have thought that everything was alright. I knew that it couldn't last.

Boris…he reappeared today. He knows. He knows about Rei, and threatened to hurt him if I was seen with him again.

I should have known better than to think I was out of Biovolt's reach. I should've planned ahead. I've been stupid, and now the one I care about the most is in danger because of my idiocy. I've got to stay away from Rei.

  
  


_Now that I know what I'm without  
You can't just leave me  
Breathe into me and make me real  
Bring me to life_  
  


Gods, this is hard. I've avoided Rei for a week now. Just like before, when I was trying to figure out that I loved him. I just want to run back to him. He's my safe haven from the hell that is my life. I need him to live.

This hurts him too. Damn it all. I never wanted to hurt him, not again. It seems that it's all I can do; hurt people. He might be—he would be—better off without me. 

  
  


_(Wake me up)  
Wake me up inside  
(I can't wake up)  
Wake me up inside  
(Save me)  
Call my name and save me from the dark  
(Wake me up)  
Bid my blood to run  
(I can't wake up)  
Before I come undone  
(Save me)  
Save me from the nothing I've become_

Unfortunately, selflessness is never something I've done well. Rei is mine. I've never been one to give up what is mine. 

…And as much as I try to deny it, I belong to him too, body, heart, mind, and soul. I miss him. And the nightmares and everything that happened before we got together are coming back. They're worse, actually, probably because of the guilt that plagues me._  
  
_

_Bring me to life_

_(I've been living a lie)_

_(There's nothing inside)_

_Bring me to life_

I was about to talk to Rei today when I saw a flash of red. Tala appeared before me, looked at me, held his gun up and disappeared again. I know he's sorry for what's going on, but he has to follow orders. I can't blame him, because that is the only life he's ever known, one of duty and order and servitude.

That would have been my life too. But living with the Bladebreakers makes me aware of the truth of life: that you have to enjoy it and make your own path. And Rei, he is my path. He opens my eyes to everything I've scorned, and I like it, and love him.

And now I can truly say I pity Tala and my other brothers—for that's what they are, my brothers—back at the Abbey, because with Boris constantly dominating their lives, they will never experience what I have. They will never love, or hope, or have friends like I do. 

They will never truly be alive. They remain shells of the humans they could have been.  

  
  


_Frozen inside without your touch, without your love, darling _

_Only you are the life among the dead  
  
_

If I can free them now, it won't be too late for them to find what I have—true happiness amongst the ruins of my life.

That's what makes me call Mr. Dickinson. Normally, even now, I would have scorned all help, but I would rather swallow my pride than see Rei look at me with that wounded gaze in his eyes for another day. 

_  
  
_

_All this time I can't believe I couldn't see  
Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me  
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems  
Got to open my eyes to everything  
Without a thought, without a voice, without a soul  
Don't let me die here  
There must be something more  
Bring me to life  
  
_

The Abbey kept me from the light, but I'm in it now. I would've died all alone, but Rei saved me. He still saves me every day by just being there and loving me. I owe him more than he'll ever know. 

  
  


(Wake me up)  
Wake me up inside  
(I can't wake up)  
Wake me up inside  
(Save me)  
Call my name and save me from the dark  
(Wake me up)  
Bid my blood to run  
(I can't wake up)  
Before I come undone  
(Save me)  
Save me from the nothing I've become

I watch in satisfaction as the Russian police swarm the Abbey. It's cold, and I would rather be inside, preferably with Rei and a fire, but I have to see this through. 

Boris is led outside with handcuffs, and he glares at me. And being me, of course I have to rub it in by smirking and flashing a victory sign. This is the perfect conclusion to the darkest chapters in the story of my life. 

Tala, Bryan, Ian, and Spencer are leading the other kids outside. "Why?", asks Tala, curious. "Because I can", I reply. "Good luck". And then I walk away. They'll be fine; after all, we were all trained to survive anything. I don't know if I'll see them again, but I honestly do hope they can find their own peace, as I have found my own. 

_  
  
_

_Bring me to life  
(I've been living a lie) _

_(There's nothing inside)   
Bring me to life_

At home, Rei is waiting, sitting outside on our porch. It's nighttime, and it seems oddly appropriate, for everything important between us has happened at this time, at this spot. 

"I saw the newscast", he says softly, gazing at me as I sit next to him. "I know. I called and asked Tyson to turn it on", I reply, looking back at him. Gods, he's gorgeous. 

"You could've told me. You had me worried sick!" he says, punching me lightly on the arm. "I'm sorry. I was avoiding you for your own safety. I thought you would be better off without me", I say honestly. 

I'm surprised when you glare at me and punch my arm again, harder. "Kai", you say patiently, "You are so thick-headed sometimes!". I'm really confused now, and I'm sure my face shows it, because you continue. 

"First of all", you start, still glaring at me, "I can take care of myself. Don't underestimate me". Don't worry, I won't. You are actually very intimidating when you're angry. Especially when your eyes slit and you bare your fangs. But I won't admit that to anyone, because I'm supposed to be fearless.

"Second of all, not being with you would hurt me more than being with you", you say. 

And now I just want to melt. Damn, I am so soft and so incredibly whipped. But this is almost as good as hearing you say those three little words. The ones that mean everything to me. 

You curl into my arms and order, "Next time, you will tell me when something's wrong. Am I understood?". Okay, now see, that's scary. Rei angry is not a good thing. "I will", I promise, hugging you. Then you smile. Good. No more angry Rei. "Alright. Now, I think we've got a lot of lost time to make up for, don't you?", you ask mischievously, grinning at me. I smirk back and tilt my head down. 

Now this is life, and I am truly alive and loving it. 

Another chapter finished and up! Review, request…give me some feedback. I'd like to hear what you think.


	6. Running Away

I don't own Beyblade or any of the characters, unfortunately.

Okay, you should all know the pairings by now; they aren't going to change. Oh, by the way, I also don't own Hoobastank's "Running Away", as it is Hoobastank's.

**Running Away**

**And I don't want you to give it all up**

**And leave your own life collecting dust**

**And I don't want you to feel sorry for me**

**You never gave us a chance to be**

**And I don't need you to be by side**

**To tell me that everything's alright**

Tyson often asks me—hell, a ton of people often ask me—how I put up with you, Kai. And usually I answer that you aren't as bad as you seem or just smile and ignore them.

I'm not so sure I don't agree with them right now. Yet again, you are avoiding me. Only this is worse than before. I could tell before that you still loved me, that you missed me…now I just see cold indifference. 

…And frankly, it pisses the hell out of me.

**I just wanted you to tell me the truth  
You know I'd do that for you  
Why are you running away?  
Why are you running away?**

I mean, how much do I have to put up, Kai? I was patient enough before, but now I'm just angry. I love you. You know I do, and right now you're abusing the knowledge. 

It's very strange, because before I said that I would always stand by you. It's sort of had to do; though, when you push me away like this. 

And note the bitterness when I say that. You may have your demons, Kai, but I shouldn't have to suffer because of them. I just don't get you anymore. What's causing this sudden regression into your shell?

**Cause I did enough to show you that I  
Was willing to give and sacrifice  
And I was the one who was lifting you up  
When you thought your life had had enough  
And when I get close, you turn away  
There's nothing that I can do or say**

Unfortunately for my mental and emotional health, I won't leave you, Kai. It's like I need you to live now. Part of me loves it, and loves you. But the other part of me, the part that's sick of this, hates it. I don't like being tied down. I have commitment problems that I thought I conquered when I told you I loved you. 

I guess I finally realized what love is. It's selfishness, really. It's wanting the person you love to wake up beside you everyday, and let you into their heart and mind, and to never let them go. It's wanting them to never feel the way they do with you with anyone else. 

Like I said, pure selfishness. But then you also want the other person to be happy, and you want them to feel safe and loved, and you want them to feel the same way about you that you do them.  

And I guess I'm upset that apparently you aren't happy with me. I want you to feel safe and loved with me. Despite your appearance, you really do need to be taken care of. Your psyche is too fragile to be messed with, and I fear one more push will drive you to insanity. Fortunately, I've made myself your anchor. Whether you like it or not, I'll be there to pull you from the abyss again and again.

This is why I'm going to go up to you and demand to know what's wrong. I've always let you take the initiative before, but now I've got to do it.

**So now I need you to tell me the truth  
You know I'd do that for you  
So why are you running away?  
Why are you running away?**

I have one word to describe what I just found out. Shit. 

I'm walking up to the park, where I know you go in the daytime to think, and guess who pops up? Bryan. At first I'm pissed and ready to launch Drigger at him if he doesn't get the hell out of my way, but then he holds up a gun.

Now I'm listening. He leads me to another place in the park and explains that Boris has threatened you with my life. He is genuinely sorry about what happened at the World Championships, but he is under orders to shoot me if I get too close to you; and he can't disobey orders, otherwise he and I both get shot anyways. 

Like I said, shit. Now I realize why you've been acting so oddly. And frankly speaking, even though this is a terrible realization, I'm happy because I now know that there's nothing wrong with **us**, which was the most important to me. 

So the question is, what to do? I can only wait, because I have no proof other than Bryan's words and Kai's actions, but that's all circumstantial evidence, really. I just hope you get fed up with things and take action.__

****

**Is it me, is it you  
Nothing that I can do  
To make you change your mind  
  
**

**Is it me, is it you  
Nothing that I can do  
Is it a waste of time?  
  
**

**Is it me, is it you  
Nothing that I can do  
To make you change your mind__**

So I deal with it, for now. You and I haven't spoken for more than a week, and it really irks me, but you're the only one that can do something, Kai. 

I'm sitting at home, depressed and alone, when Tyson bounds in with Max. They're determined to make me cheer up, and while the effort is appreciated, I doubt they can help. They know about Biovolt now, and I think they need to forget about it for awhile too.  

And obviously I've forgotten that this is Tyson. He can cheer anyone up, at least for a little while, without even trying. And soon I'm laughing along with them for the first time in a long time. It feels good to let go.

Tyson's cell rings and he answers it. "Hello?", he asks. Oddly enough, his face darkens and he spits, "What do you want?". He isn't very happy about the caller, whoever it is. "…Fine. But I swear to God, if this hurts him more, you're dead, Hiwatari". He hangs up and flicks on the TV. Max looks worried.

Oh. So it's Kai. So he'll speak to Tyson, but not me? Wait, wait…Biovolt. Right. I really hate Boris at this point. Stupid evil old man. And I didn't know my friends were so protective of me…it feels nice to know that even with our own lives, we're still watching each other's backs.

So I watch the TV, because I have nothing better to do, and then a news report comes on. "…We would like to announce the undisputable closing of Biovolt today, ladies and gentlemen. Before we could not get enough evidence to jail Boris Balcov, the owner, but we have witnesses and tape-recorded threats made against one Kai Hiwatari, whose grandfather funded Biovolt in the Beyblade World Championships. The young Hiwatari is certainly nothing like his grandfather, as he took affirmative action to close Biovolt by informing the chairman of the BBA, Stanley Dickinson".

Max, Tyson, and I are now speechless. Me especially. 

"Apparently Biovolt has trained young children as soldiers, and has altered bit beasts in an attempt to start a quest for power, as we have found in the archives of this place, called the Abbey".

The screen flickers and I'm looking at the Abbey. Boris is being led out, and he glares at…you! You're standing there, obviously freezing, and watching the proceedings. Boris snarls at you, and you smirk at him and flash a victory sign.

I now remember why I love you so much. That was just…priceless. I'm sure I have a big dopey grin on my face at this point. The Demolition Boys are leading a group of kids out, and Tala pauses to ask you something. I don't hear the question or response, and I don't care, because I'm excruciatingly happy. But I still have to ream you out for not figuring out some way of communicating with me. 

Tyson and Max leave, knowing that I'll want to talk to you when you get back, and I decide to wait outside on our porch, wrapping myself in a sweater and coat.

****

**So why are you running away?  
Why are you running away?  
...What is it I've got to say...  
So why are you running away?  
...To make you admit you're afraid...  
Why are you running away?**

You walk the sidewalk soon enough, and I say quietly, "I saw the newscast". You sit down next to me. "I know. I called and asked Tyson to turn it on".

"You could've told me. You had me worried sick!", I exclaim, punching your arm lightly. And I was. You don't need to know about the anger part, though.

"I'm sorry. I was avoiding you for your own safety. I thought you would be better off without me", you say. Hold **everything**. What did you just say?! 

"Kai", I say calmly, "You are so thick headed sometimes!". That startles you, and you look at me, confused, while I continue.

"First of all, I can take care of myself. Don't underestimate me". It's true! My life wasn't all sunshine and happiness either, and sometimes I think you forget that. I lived on the streets for nearly a year after I left the White Tigers. 

You look a little intimidated. I know that it's disconcerting to see me angry, even for you. So I soften my next words. "Second of all, not being with you would hurt me more than being with you". It's the truth. I love you so much. I can't imagine life without you.

I can tell that you're melting inside. It's cute, actually. I curl into your arms and order, "Next time, you will tell me when something's wrong. Am I understood?". I'm the only one who can get away with ordering you to do anything, and I think I'll take advantage of that privilege right now.

"I will", you promise, hugging me. I can hear the sincerity in your voice, and see it in your eyes. That's why I lighten the mood and grin at you. "Alright. Now, I think we've got a lot of lost time to make up for, don't you?", I ask. 

You smirk at me and tilt your head down as I tilt mine up. 

Yeah, keep doing that and I think I won't even remember this whole thing in the morning. Where **did** you learn to kiss like this?__

Yet another chapter finished and posted. Thanks to my reviewers again, you guys are what got this chapter written. Please review…I'm thinking of ending this fic here. What do you think? Let me know!


	7. Stand Here With Me

 SEQ CHAPTER \h \r 1I don't own Beyblade or any of the characters...blah, blah, blah...I think you've realized this by now. 

I also believe you know that a: the pairing is Kai/Rei, Rei/Kai, and b: I don't own the song, which is "Stand Here With Me", by Creed. 

This is the last installment of my "Where Will You Go?" songfic story. I know that a lot of my reviewers wanted it to keep going, but I really couldn't think of more plot without getting clichéd and boring, and I wanted to keep this fresh. I was also running out of songs! (Runs away sheepishly, dodging readers with pitchforks and torches).

Happy reading! I enjoyed writing this little collection a lot, and I hope I've done the songfic justice. Review and let me know what you thought of this last chapter, which is in…both points of view, actually...this is different. Yup, this is in both Kai and Rei's POV, but you'll be able to tell the difference; don't worry.

Stand Here With Me 

_You always reached out to me _

_And helped me believe_

_All those memories we share_

_I will cherish every one of them_

I'm happy. Heh. Once more, I shock myself with the new variety of emotions I can feel now. It's very...liberating, to finally know that Biovolt and Voltaire and Boris are now gone from my life forever, and that Rei is in my life...hopefully, forever. 

I remember everything we've been through to get to this point in our relationship (and notice that I now have no problems saying that word), and although I hate having put Rei through so much shit all because of me, I can honestly say that I'm thankful we went through it, because it tested our relationship, pushed it to it to its limits. 

And we passed through the fire. Not without a few burns, but we're alive, right? And still together, so I think that counts for something.

_The truth of it is_

_There's a right way to live_

_And you showed me_

_So now you live on_

_In the words of a song_

_You're a melody_

Kai...you're getting overly thoughtful. That's my job. And so I shall begin.

...Yes, we've made it through the 'fire', and yes, we came out alive...we still have things to work on, but they're only trivial things, like how I apparently 'flirt' with fangirls by smiling at them and accepting the gifts they give me...Kai is still so possessive and stubborn. 

I wouldn't change him for the world; though. I fell in love with the moody, secretive, possessive, stubborn Kai, and that's still the one I love today. Hopefully he feels the same way...

_You stand here with me now_

_Cause you stand here with me now_

_Just when fear blinded me_

_You taught me to dream_

_I'll give you everything I am_

_And still fall short of what you've done for me_

...Rei, you do flirt! Stupid baka fangirls...you're mine, and they aren't getting you, so both they and you had better get used to it. And yes, I'm possessive. Deal with it. 

...Okay, I was a little overbearing there. It's the result of lack of sleep and Tyson deciding to play a game of let's-annoy-Kai-until-he-snaps. 

Anyways, I fell in love with Rei...yeah, and I still love him for the same reasons I did back then. And he already knows those reasons, so I don't need to list them. 

I'm stubborn, I'll admit that...secretive, check...hey! Moody? You make me sound like a girl! (A/N: No offense to girls, as I am one. I'm just writing what I think he'd say). I am not moody! Perhaps I'm unpredictable, but not moody! Rei!

_In this life that I live_

_I hope I can give love unselfishly_

_I've learned the world is bigger than me_

_You're my daily dose of reality_

Relax, Kai. In no way was I threatening your masculinity. But you are moody, so there. And I've already accepted the fact that you're possessive...it's kinda endearing, really...though annoying at times. But it's nice, because then I know you care for me, unlike in public where we...all five Bladebreakers, that is...have to maintain the role that the fans have placed us in.

Kai is the loner, the moody guy with a bad past, who is also incredibly hot. I definitely have to agree with that last part. Tyson is the ever-cheerful and courageous leader. Don't get me wrong, Kai is our captain, but Tyson holds us all together. Kenny is the brains of the group, the resident super-genius. Max is pure energy, always happy and willing to help. He's the nice one. Me, I'm the adorable calm one, the voice of reason and the mediator when things get out of hand. 

But we're all different outside the stadium. Max is more subdued, and often he likes to just sit and reflect. It's an odd change, but it only happens once in awhile. Tyson...there's a brain under that hat. He's smarter than he appears, and I know not to underestimate him. Kenny is a lot more relaxed than he seems. I think Tyson and Max's easygoing ways have rubbed off on him. 

Kai...he's a lot more open when it's just him and me...he's even tolerating the others more often. As for me...I'm not the best judge of what I'm like outside the stadium. I don't really know. I just know that sometimes I feel like snapping at everyone too. Hey, it's not easy to be the mellow one all the time. 

_You stand here with me now_

_Cause you stand here with me now_

_On and on we sing this song_

_Cause you stand here with me_

_On and on we sing_

_On and on we sing_

_On and on we sing_

_On and on we sing_

...That was...informative. So you think I'm hot, huh, Rei? Major blackmail material here, you know. Not that I would use it; I'm sure you could find a way to make it backfire on me.__

As for that stereotyping thing, I *tolerate* the others, yes. We're not friends...yet. And of course I confide in you. You're my boyfriend, after all.

Out of the stadium, you do change. While out in public you can vary between being sort of serious and then being as lighthearted as a child, when we're in private...the depth of your being amazes me. You're a deep thinker, and a good analyzer. You're haunted and melancholy, mischievous and devious, and then innocent and carefree...it shocks me how complex you are. 

You don't see it, I know you don't. To you, you're just acting normal, but to me...you display more emotion and personality in one day than I do in a month. One day I'll find out what makes you tick, Rei...after all, when I want something, I get it. 

_On and on we sing_

_On and on we sing_

_On and on we sing_

_(Cause you stand here with me now)_

...How true, Kai. But we'll never know *everything* about each other...after all, secrets (not big ones, mind you) keep a relationship exciting. I love finding out new things about you. For example, I never knew you played guitar before. You play quite well, but hey, you're good at pretty much everything.

As for the complex personality...you're right, I can't see it, but I'll take your word for it. __

...And wow, have I become domesticated or what? I see it now, thinking over my thoughts and moods of the past months. Damn it all, Kai, you have me completely whipped...it's supposed to be the other way around.__

_On and on we sing_

_On and on we sing_

_On and on we sing_

_(Cause you stand here with me now)_

Pah. Don't pout at me, Rei. I'm just as whipped as you are. We're both sickeningly happy and mushy...I think I need to go out and get some fresh air and non-sappy thoughts into my brain. Or I could just grab you and kiss you senseless until we both forget about this.

...Yeah, that option's sounding better and better. Let's see...either aloneness and fresh air, or kissing and Rei...please. What do you think I'm going to choose? __

_On and on we sing_

_On and on we sing_

_(Cause you stand here with me now)_

Kai...what are you doing? You're heading towards me with a predatory gleam in your eyes, and frankly, it sort of creeps me out.

...Hey! Put me down, Kai! Seriously, I may be light, but that doesn't mean you can just pick me up and toss me over your shoulder like a sack! 

...Oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to kick you...here, let me see...hey! There's nothing wrong with y–

.............................

You're a damned sneaky phoenix, did you know that? But I love you for it. Now, where were we?__

_On and on we sing_

_On and on we sing_

_(Cause you stand here with me)_

Sniff...it's over! Another fic done and completed...please review, let me know what you think! I look forward to hearing your final thoughts!__

  


End file.
